22 Years - Samantha J Davis

1.

Scrambling, gathering

clothes from dirt

elbows stinging

gravel and grit

bare feet pounding

only race I’ve ever won

lights, feeling dizzy

friends face flash

delayed fireworks

a pause then bang

sirens bouncing off walls

legs trembling

brow melting

doctor’s office

hand me a paper dress

examinations and tests

what for?
white coats talking above me

vulnerable with no control

my fault

my fault

my fault

2.

days spent in bed

resting all but my head

memories draw

out into dreams

and the two

become the same

ignoring friends

quiet voices, hurried glances

associations, connections

everywhere

chest aching 

words unspoken

torturing myself

refusing help

going over and over

reliving that hell

minutes pass

turn into weeks

then slowly

slowly

the air got easier to 

breathe 

3.

fire igniting

curtain rising

a sparkle behind my eyes

meeting with friends

like a friendship never paused

blocking stares

whispers

an uneasy knowing

delicate touches

treated like china

treat me, like me

I’d silently scream

existence spent

untangling my mind

searching for answers

to questions not yet asked

trying to get back

something lost

love I had for myself – 

gone

like the best part missing

from your favourite song